Don't Get a Cat (Part 1)

In the tradition of saying things that are really obvious and yet unbelievable until you experience them first hand, let me just start off by saying that moving across the country is really expensive. I'm just lucky that I'm such a simple guy with such straightforward needs.

Like sunbathing.

When I accepted a job in Seattle, a city I had never been to, I think I acknowledged somewhere in the back of my brain that it was going to take a lot of money and effort to get there. If you had asked me several months ago if I thought moving across the country would be hard, I would've said, "well, yes. Of course." and then I would have secretly, silently added "for people. For weaklings. Not for me." There's all kinds of things I don't need! I don't need a car, I don't need a fancy TV, I don't need… to buy dinner in the airport (because I'll pack baby carrots). I'm rustic. I know how to rough it.

But then the problems start cropping up. For example: roughing it's one thing, but what if I don't bring my Playstation 3 with me? How will I watch Netflix? On my Macbook? What am I, a caveman? I'm allowed a couple luxuries, right? Just the basics, nothing too extravagant.

Also, what about my tremendous amount of crap? Sure, I have no problem throwing away crap, but I'm afraid that while investigating my crap cache I discovered that what I consider a crap collection (a "crapection") is actually made up of thousands and thousands of priceless artifacts from my youth. That green box, for example, might seem silly, but it's sturdy and it's where I keep loose change and my passport. I've had that tattered Nirvana poster since sophomore year of high school, that's gotta come. The beer can with pipe-cleaners hanging out of it? That's a Christmas ornament I made.

He's called Saint Peeber.

Furthermore, I can't leave anything here, because I'm breaking up with the girl I live with and she probably wouldn't take too kindly to having huge piles of her ex-boyfriend's shit just lying around.

So I'm allowed to splurge a bit. I've got wiggle-room, after all. There are no hidden expenses or complications to travelling that I've forgotten about.

Wow! I actually pulled this off! See you guys in Seattle.

Harry Potter Movie Round Up

Since the film saga is closing, I think it's as good a time as any to give a little bit of a round up. This isn't a review, or an in depth analysis, just a list of things that I thought were intriguing/flawed about the last two movies in respect to the series.

1) Neville Longbottom

Maybe it's because I've been thinking about him too much recently, but I think Neville's role in the overall story doesn't get nearly enough attention. I don't remember right now if he appears in the first half of Deathly Hallows, but he probably gets a total of fifteen minutes of screen time in the second half. During that time, we learn that:
1. He has organized an underground rebellion in Hogwarts, effectively mounting a resistance against the world's most powerful dark wizards in the world's most strategically important spot. We don't learn much about what he's done precisely, but it's obvious that at very least he's set up a radio network and been maintaining morale. The other students look to him for guidance and leadership.

2. The first time we see him, his face is heavily bruised. Why? He mentions passively that Death Eaters were forcing students to practice torture-curses on first years, and he refused. So they fucking tortured him.
This is far more brave and noble than anything Harry has ever done, especially considering the fact that Neville's defining character trait up to this point has been that he sucks at magic. But Neville mentions this in passing, and then goes on to make a dry witticism in a charming British accent that -- in full disclosure -- was making me less heterosexual by the second. It's also notable that after Harry dies, it's him -- not any of the older wizards -- that make a stand against Voldemort.

3. He kills Voldemort. This has been mentioned, as it happens in the book too, but it bears repeating, I think. Neville kills Voldemort.
And we never even get to see him kiss Luna. Which segues nicely into my next point:

2) At any given moment, whatever Harry Potter is doing is the least interesting thing in the movie.

Snape's character arc is tragic and flawed and beautiful. The scene where Malfoy's mother asks Harry if Draco is alive, and spares his life in thanks for the news, is fucking awesome. Molly Weasley says "Not my daughter, you bitch!" to Bellatrix Lestrange. Neville, as I just mentioned, saves the world.

Harry stumbles around whining and is repeatedly saved either by dumb luck or Hermione Granger. Which leads to my last point:

3) These movies have some of the best actors in the world, and don't do anything with them.

David Thewlis, who plays Lupin, has won some of the most prestigious awards in film. He dies off screen. Maggie Smith is professor McGonagall, and probably gets less lines than even poor Neville. Gary Oldman is Sirius Black, and he's Gary Fucking Oldman. We also get John Hurt, Bill Nighy, Emma Thompson, and Robbie Coltrane acting opposite Daniel Radcliffe at different points in the movie. And Daniel doesn't come out on top.

Side note: There's something hilarious to be said about the fact that there are two speaking parts for little people in this movie, and they both went to Warwick Davis.

But overall? Yeah, I enjoyed it.

On the Passing of Shoes

Look at that:

The escalator actually made a very fast "OM NOM NOM" sound as it chewed it. And then it stopped. Then I had to tug at my shoe for what seemed like hours as slightly perturbed yuppies angrily pushed past me, remarking to each other "I've never seen that before! The escalator just stopped!"

I pointed it out to the Metro mechanic guy -- kinda "came clean" as it were -- and he asked if I wanted to file a claim.

I don't, and I didn't. The city of DC has better things to pay for than my Converse. I'm just glad my shoes (which are coming on nine months old now) got to do some damage to the world before they died. I'm glad something so rubbery and canvas can have such a brutal effect on one's upward momentum on a trip home.

And people say Converse are an evil corporation! Look at all the social unrest I'm causing with mine! You just need to think outside the box, pilgrims.